"There’s a story behind every person. There’s a reason why they’re the way they are. They aren’t just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them, and it’s not a matter of what can fix it, but how."
I've lived with something for the past five years that eats at the back of my mind everyday. It's constantly trying to disturb my happiness and ruining my everyday life. Panic attacks.
Everyday, it always finds a way to emerge. Ever since I was 11 years old I've had this condition, and it's been getting better over the years.
It used to be awful, I was terrified of public places, I hated sitting in a classroom, I wouldn't eat for the fear of getting sick, I began pulling my hair out, and the backs of my knees had bruises from where I would pinch myself in the effort to distract myself from the panic attack.
But it's gotten better, so much better.
What I can take away from this is that even when something takes over your life in some way every single day, you have to find a positive barrier to lean on. You have to tell yourself that everything is going to be alright and that you are going to survive this.
"God only puts you through what he knows you can handle, and for those who seem to have it the worst will be the strongest."
This quote has taken me throughout so many of my attacks. I pray and pray and pray. I ask God to help me push through this, to help me be the stronger person I know he made me to be. Even when I hate myself because I feel so different, and nobody else I know has to deal with the same thing, I know that God has a reason for me to have panic attacks. I don't really know what the reason is, maybe it's to make me stronger, make me a better person, teaching me something I never knew about myself. At this point in time I honestly don't know, but one day I will.
That's all for tonight.
-Hannah Marie Ditter
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